Washing Up Bowls

Do you know what really grates my carrot? 

Washing up bowls! When I moved to the UK it was the first time I was introduced to the idea of using a washing up bowl in the sink.

I’m going to cut to the chase because I don’t really have time to care about the sentiment behind it. Who the fuck ever thought that washing up bowls would be a good idea?

Some dickhead must have sat down one day and thought, “I know what will waste people’s money, we’ll make a bowl that fits in the sink, gets really dirty and grungy, takes up all the room and gets in the way the whole time. We’ll also make them think it is a noble cause when really we are just knobs who want money.” 

I mean honestly have you ever seen such a putrid waste of space (apart from men with top knots). Over the years I’ve heard that they, “save water” and that it is “less damaging to the plates” as well as “I don’t want to damage the sink, it looks pretty.” 

What a load of bollocks! The only way that those buckets would save water is if they kept it hot, recycled and cleaned the water and if you didnt have to clean the fucking thing as part of your washing up too! 

As for them being ‘less damaging’ for plates, well clearly they are lacking the cognitive and motor neuron development to actually respect what they own. I have never broken a plate in all my years on earth washing plates in a sink with a plug. 

Do I even need to cover the whole, ‘my sink will get damaged bullshit’ how retarded do you have to be have a sink that doesn’t get used. That’s like saying, “Well, I would have used a condom but it looked so pretty in it’s wrapper. Plus I’m much happier with a screaming child that I don’t really want or understand.”

We all know that there are stupid things in this world and stupid people that follow other stupid people. I just didn’t realise that there were so many stupid people all in one place…

It’s a little like supporting Bob Geldof and his ‘noble causes,’ which I’ll cover next week, everyone jumps on board but when you cut down to the hard facts you are simply supporting a twatty idea and behaving like an even bigger twat yourself! 

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THICK EYEBROWS

It seems only fair that I balance things out here. The last blog post was all about men and their top knots. If you haven’t read it then here is the link. If you don’t have time to read it then your life is obviously way too important, so stop reading this now and go be important somewhere else.

On to the topic at hand… I’m sure you’ve seen the ladies parading around with their makeup reminiscent of a children’s party where they’ve had a face painter for entertainment. (The difference being that these women are adults and they take their ‘looks’ very seriously.)

The latest trend has been to add to this hideous exterior and have some really thick eyebrows either grown, tattooed or drawn on to be ‘fashionable.’

BROWS

I once heard that there is a direct correlation between the eyebrows on a woman and how she maintains the growth down under, so if you have stock in hair removal companies like VEET then you might want to sell up quick.

The problem with village idiots these days is that they have the internet to promote their shitty looks, then other village idiots catch wind of the village idiot trend and before you know it the world has gone mad.

I mean, which twat decided that having eyebrows that look like a wooly mammoth would be sexy…?

WOW! copy

This is the TOP KNOT equivalent for females; just listen up ladies! Guys can put up with mediocre looks, that’s why alcohol was invented. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can save you from a baseball bat to the head the morning after a one night stand when the man you’ve bedded wakes up to find large caterpillars crawling on the pillow next to his head.

BROWSS

 

TOP KNOTS

If you hadn’t already guessed, this site is about what grates my carrot. If you don’t understand what that means then you best bugger off, find out, and come back with a sense of humour.

On to the topic at hand, we’ve all seen them, top knots…

TOP KNOT

There is nothing more embarrassing than looking like a twat, well, unless you don’t know that you look like a twat. Women with long hair who do top knots are safe here, but guys who shave half their head and then tie the rest up like a bin bag, well, they deserve to be slated, stoned and made fun of for ruining everything that a man has ever stood for.

I mean, at what point did any normal guy think; “hmmm, I wonder what would set off my mediocre looks and shit personality…? Ooo, I know, I’ll tie my hair up like a complete fuckwit and put lots of pictures of myself on Instagram.” 

So here’s my advice if you are a man thinking of growing one, DO NOT DO IT.

If you’re a lady reading this and you have a boyfriend who has one then throw him out with the rest of your rubbish.

TOPKNOTTWATS

If you actually have a top knot and you are reading this, then congratulations, you have proved that you can read, now go shave your head and really think about your life.